lipad lang pare!

I have two completely different persons in my body. So that makes me weird and complicated. I am a happy-go-lucky type of person but know when to be serious when the occasion calls for it. One moment you’ll see me bursting (and I mean bursting) with energy and the next moment I’m all meek and behaved not because I’m tired but I’m just thinking. I love spontaneity but I hate surprises. I plan a lot, never really follows it but have it done just in the knick of time. I always want to stand out but blends perfectly well in a crowd. I am both the wallflower and the life of the party. I am a kid by heart (forever will be) but thinks mature for her age (or at least I would like to believe so). I dream big, I aim high, and I want to be best in whatever it is I choose to do. I never want to settle for the second best, because I always want to be the best. I am just competitive in nature which is not really so bad but that makes me weak in dealing with failures. I cry a lot, laugh a lot, sleep a lot, and talk a lot. I am both an introvert and extrovert. So what does that say about me? I am both at the extremes. I never want to settle in the middle. It’s either I’m too good, too loved or I’m too dumb or too hated.

I can get on your nerves at times because of my uncanny ability to annoy people (hey sorry!=P). I am a smooth talker so I easily get away with things. I am a crowd pleaser that sometimes I try too hard and will always be afraid that I am never going to be good enough. I am a leader but I know how to follow so that makes me a wonderful leader (hahaha). I always want things to go my way so that makes me a spoiled little brat. Also, I’m the jack of all trades but the master of none. I just want to do so many things but call myself one lazy pig. I am despised by many but loved by most.

But there will always be some things that most people would not know about you. I have always been labeled as “the chosen one” because people thought I had everything in life. That is so not true because I have a lot of insecurities in life. I appear to be that intimidating, brave and very confident girl but inside me is a weak heart. I just want to appear brave and happy all the time because I am expected to be. I wouldn’t ever want people to suspect that there’s something going wrong with my oh so perfect life as they would see it. But I admit it; I also want people to know that I am too is human just like them. I think sometimes they forget that part.

So I guess that’s enough to explain why I have two persons dwelling inside my body. Let me now describe my lighter side, the things I love doing. I really have this passion for writing. Writing is an outlet for me; it is where I vent out my emotions, my creative side, my artistic side. I did not want it to be my profession because I wouldn’t want to write for money. I want to write because I love doing it and nobody’s forcing me to. Someday I want to publish my own book but I hadn’t really thought about it yet. In God’s perfect time I would be able to plan about it.

I was so happy to have finally been enrolled in Psy1 as part of my GE for the ssp domain. On all four of my college application forms, BS Psychology had been my first option. And I ended up as a BS Economics student here at UPLB dealing with my least favorite subject of all, math. You know the saying that it’s not meant to be? I heard that consolation saying tons of times already. What I want to be in the next few years had been one of the most difficult decisions I made over the past months. I was just so torn. There was this crazy battle of prestigious schools and of the two prestigious professions, being a doctor and being a lawyer. And now that I am already on my sophomore year, I wouldn’t want to turn my back now. I will pursue being a lawyer if God permits me to be. And hopefully, I can finally say that yes, I have made the right choice.

So now, who am I again?

I am this crazy girl whose life is one big party. And yes, I love every bit of it. Though sometimes I would often daydream about me being a completely different person but that’s forgivable because humans in nature are never contented. I may never be contented with my life but there’s one thing I am sure of. I am blessed. I have a family who will always, always be behind my back no matter what. I have my beloved friends whom some of us have spent a solid 13 years of togetherness and growth as individuals. And I have this life. Out of the billions there are now, there is one life allotted for me. I am blessed to have been given a chance at it.

So now I have answered who I am right now. But I have a lifetime more ahead to write about who I will be. Whoever God wants me to be. I have an entire lifetime to work on that. And I should start about working on that…now.

// posted by ♥ selle_anne ♥ @ 10:04 PM